Parents and carers

Support and tips for all parents and carers.

An LGBT+ family - two parents and two children - hold a rainbow kite

Parents and carers have a vital role to play

Only 9% of LGBT+ young people think their family understands the things that are important to them. But research shows that when an LGBT+ child feels supported, they’re twice as likely to be happy in adulthood.

Being the parent, carer or other family member of an LGBT+ young person can be challenging. The feeling of not knowing where to start, or the right thing to say, can be really overwhelming. But you are here. And we hope we can help.

LGBT+ people come from all walks of life – from LGBT+ people of colour to disabled LGBT+ people, every young person needs acceptance and support.

We have resources available for LGBT+ parents and carers, too.

“We all love our children and that love is only enhanced when we are able to understand them more and that is why the work of Just Like Us is so vital. Read the guide, give them a hug, be available to them and trust me, they will make your life more colourful and it will all turn out OK in the end.”

John Bishop, comedian and dad of a gay son

Top tips for all families

  • 1

    Talk openly about LGBT+ topics: Start conversations from a young age, with inclusive books for example, and be vocal about your support for the LGBT+ community. LGBT+ people exist – don’t be afraid to talk about this!

  • 2

    Let your child know you’re an ally: Talk about how it’s OK to be LGBT+, that it’s accepted in your family, and that you don’t use ‘gay’ as an insult, for example

  • 3

    Don’t assume your child will be straight and cisgender: There’s no one way to be LGBT+ so keep an open mind and don’t make assumptions. And you should still be an ally even if your child isn’t LGBT+!

  • 4

    Learn about the LGBT+ community: Podcasts, books, blogs, documentaries…The options are endless! Learn about the wider LGBT+ community too, not just gay men

  • 5

    Encourage your child’s school to be inclusive: Tell your child’s teachers that you support your child learning about different kinds of families and the diversity of the world around them

“Being an ally starts at home. I want my kids to grow up in a world where they feel safe, loved, accepted for exactly who they are, knowing that love is love, and that standing up for others matters.”

Jessie Ware, artist and mum of three

“The importance of family support when growing up LGBT+ really cannot be overstated.”

Laura, 20

“Even young children can know themselves well at times, so please don’t tell your kids: ‘You’ll grow out of it’.”

Reilly, 20

“It’s vital to remind people that being both Black and queer is possible, and there’s no problem with being so.”

Koi, 22

“My family did talk a bit about being gay and about gay people in mainly a good way, but never talked about other identities. This left me with internalised transphobia and shame.”

Kai, 19

“I can understand how it can be scary to have a queer kid in a religious community that is not inclusive. However, what I needed first and foremost was acceptance and love from my parents.”

Ruth, 19

“Muslim and LGBTQ+ identities are often positioned as polarised in our society, suggesting the two cannot mutually exist in one person. They can, and we do.”

Arber, 25

“I was terrified to let my family know. If you always have to bring up the topic yourself, then there is a huge amount of fear of the chance that they may react badly.”

Arber, 25

“My mum finds they/them pronouns very difficult but she is so willing to keep trying. You have to accept the fact you don’t know everything, which I know can be hard, in order to learn more.”

Rohan, 21

“Please take an interest in LGBT+ topics. It makes me so happy that my Mum takes an interest. It has definitely strengthened our relationship.”

Imi, 25

What to do if your child comes out

  • Tell your child you’re proud of them: Be regularly vocal of your love and pride

  • Acknowledge who they are: Make sure you keep an open dialogue beyond their coming out moment

  • Ask what support they need: Every child and family is different, so always ask instead of assuming what they need

  • Be your child’s best ally: Show an interest in LGBT+ topics, be curious and a great listener

  • Get your own support: Switchboard, Pink Therapy, Naz and Matt Foundation and FFLAG are great resources

“If you are struggling to accept your child due to religious reasons, I really encourage listening to LGBTQ+ religious figures and leaders who talk about their faith, because they share knowledge both from experience and spiritual study.

My mum being a vocal ally in the church means the world to me. This is love and support beyond anything words can express.”

Ruth, 19

How we support parents

Be your child’s best ally

Whether your child is LGBT+ or not – this guide will help you become a better ally. It answers the most common questions parents ask about LGBT+ topics.

“This is the guide I wish had existed when I came out to my mum” – Rohan, 21, trans and bisexual

A third of British parents have never talked to their child about what LGBT+ means

Get support

Lots of parents, with the best of intentions, still struggle to adjust to the news that their child is LGBT+. Perhaps you consider yourself supportive of LGBT+ people but didn’t expect your own child to identify that way, or it might have sparked worries about your child’s safety and future.

Switchboard is a great place to get support – their trained LGBT+ listeners are really experienced in helping parents.

“I also think parents should know that they can talk to other people to get advice and support – they’re not meant to know all the answers and it’s OK to struggle to understand things as long as they communicate unconditional love to their kids.”

Kai, a bisexual, trans young person

LGBT+ Parents report

Children in LGBT+ families face unique challenges in schools today.

Our latest research has found school bullying and a lack of inclusion are a huge worry for LGBT+ parents.

Only one in five LGBT+ parents say their child’s school openly discusses LGBT+ families with pupils.

How LGBT+ inclusive is your child’s school?

Our research has found that schools where teachers talk positively about LGBT+ people are places where all young people’s wellbeing is better.

That’s why every parent should advocate for their child’s school to be LGBT+ inclusive.

  • 1

    Tell your child’s teacher that you support your child learning about LGBT+ topics

  • 2

    Encourage your child’s primary or secondary school to use Just Like Us’ free resources for schools

  • 3

    Become a school governor and advocate for LGBT+ inclusion, using our guide to get started

  • 4

    If your child is in secondary school, ask them to set up a Pride Group with Just Like Us’ support

How you can help

LGBT+ young people need our support more than ever

In these increasingly difficult times, LGBT+ young people really need our support and demand for our programmes is growing. Please will you make a donation to Just Like Us today?

A small amount monthly may be more manageable and would help us commit to long-term projects.

Young people’s stories

“I can live the life I was always meant to live.”

Discover how Just Like Us is changing LGBT+ young people’s lives, like Scout’s, by joining our mailing list.